God’s Voice Mail

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling Heaven

For English press 1
Para un Espanol mecar el dos
For all other languages press 3

Please select  one of the following options:

Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I’m sorry, all of our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now.
However, your prayer is very important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received.

Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
To the Holy Spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven press 4, then enter the social security number followed by the # sign. If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial 666.

For reservations to heaven, please enter John: followed by the numbers 3:16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for specifics.

Our computer shows that you have already prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.

Good-bye.

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